our family

So A good bit has been going on in our lives we have been so thrilled with our life lately.
My Husband and I are getting ready to celebrate 5 years since we got together. those five years have been very hard but we were strong and made it through.  we've had our fair share of financial struggles , relationship struggles but what relationship doesn't. 5 years ago when we met we immediately knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. we hit it off right away that was february 8 2007. Now were coming up on february 8 2012 ! with everything we have gone through I know a lot of people haven't stayed together with the same things we have gone through. I am so glad we did. He still gives me butterflies in my stomach we are hoping to go out as a family for our 5 year to dinner and then come home and put the kids to bed or we will order in and make it a no phones comp movie night with the kids.
I have been extremely tried lately loss of appetite ocd very low energy and i have no idea why. I try and work out daily today was not one of the days i could. yesterday whooped my booty.
     Savanna is growing up so fast! I can't believe how big she has gotten in the 6 months. her vocabulary has grown so much and she is fully out of diapers completely she has been out of diapers at night for the last week now and doing amazing ! she's even pooping on the potty finally those that have known me for at least a yr know how hard we have worked for her not to be scared anymore. she goes with no problems which make me a very happy mommy! my little girl is growing up so much. We are concerned because she will only walk on her toes and seems to not be able to walk on her feet so she has a doctors apt this week to find out whats going on. she is finally going back to school tomorrow after being gone for over a month!

      Madelyn oh my little miss Madelyn she thinks she's bigger than she is. she is starting to somewhat use the potty.. she absolutely despises diapers to the point if we use a disposable she tears it off if we use velcro cloth she tears it off. she loves the trainers I think because it gives her the more of a I'm not a baby feeling. and she can feel when she starts to pee and trys to stop n go potty we've only caught 2 pees in the potty so far. the rest is on the floor she's starting to get she's not suppose to pee on the floor. also she is becoming a little girl not a baby anymore her words are expanding by the day. and she learns more each day i can't believe a yr ago she wasn't walking and only saying 2 words. now she said about 15-20 words. she is our little meanie too .. she bites and hits her sister and laughs her booty its  so cute but so stinking rotten lol
 cameron will be 6 months old in heaven tomorrow and we will be doing a big balloon release for  him we miss him more and more everyday and know one day we will be re united with him and GOD but not till our time here is done. i love you so much baby boy
well that is all for now savanna is crying cuz she doesn't wanna clean up her toys

blanket drive

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we are doing a blanket drive in camerons name for his 1st birthday please click on the link to see more about it thank you

mollie gross; and potty training

so tonight is Mollie Gross I am so excited! specially thanks to a awesome friend they are watching our girlies for us ! Yesterday I started getting our bills and such organized so we can get on track this year. We have a lot of debt and are trying to get rid off all debt other than our car this year between now and next years takes we will be getting rid of 2 full bills and almost 1 more. I am ready for financial freedom and not be so stressed. I want to be able to go and buy my kids things when they need it and not have to say well when we get paid they will. They have clothes and food n tons of toys but i love when we can take them out on a family day to the aquarium so they can learn about sea animals. I am debating if I want to take savanna out of school and homeschool her till kindergarden, or even till 1st grade only because i want them to know more than they are taught in school I want my kids to learn more than numbers , abcs , and how to color in numbers and I feel as a parent that you are responsible for teaching your children not someone else. i am currently looking in to it all. I love that she loves preschool right now for interaction with other children. so we will probably keep her in there for that twice a week for 3 hrs.
   another note savanna has been in panties all night for 3 nights night 1 n 3 she woke up dry after 7-9 hours of sleep. night two she drank to much and had a tiny accident. I am so proud of her for not wearing diapers anymore! we are currently going to start introducing the potty to maddie and she is loving it but not peeing on it we got her a small one and she doesn't care for it. I am sure she will once she gets use to peeing in the potty and not on the floor you ask her where she suppose to pee at and she says floor and potty so she will get there she's starting to feel when she has to go potty but hasn't figured out how to force it out when she gets on the potty well thats it i gotta get up and get the kids ready :)

god bless
thinking of cameron every moment <3

switching to cloth

So we have recently made a lot of changes in our household. We no longer are buying paper towel or baby wipes. we are going to be using cloth wipes for madelyn and microfiber towels and flat diapers for cleaning the house. Also I have decided to take the plunge and use mama cloth which some of you might not know but they are cloth pads for menstration. I will still use tampons cause i can't wrap my mind around a diva cup. We are starting to potty train madelyn she abs hates wearing diapers so we bought her a potty last night and are going to start letting her get use to it then this weekend we won't be going anywhere and we will be trying to get her use to the potty.  we trained savanna in under a week so were going to start on saturday and hoping by next saturday she will be trained and telling us when she has to go pee. we are working on savanna not peeing herself at night time as well.. night 1 she did amazing only a couple sips of water and she went pee on the potty and woke up dry. night 2 (she's still sleeping ) she had  a tiny accident and didn't wake up so its going to be a work in progress but she will get there we aren't putting a diaper on her anymore though it'll be a lot of laundry for a while but i think this is the best way to get her night trained... cuz with the cloth trainers... she just  pees in it without a care well thats about it for now

jan 21 and 22

January 21 was madelyns 2nd birthday I still can't believe my baby girl is already 2 it seems like i was just contemplating going in cuz i THOUGHT my water was leaking and it was. My two best friend were there for my laboring and birth of our baby girl madelyn. she has grown up so fast. We had a small party for her on her birthday. it was nice quiet and fun :) I miss our baby boy more on days like that cuz I know hell never have a "real birthday party" But it also makes me see how much all these little things mean as your kids grow up. A week ago madelyn was still saying one word phrases and now she says two works at a time. she is starting to  use the potty and HATES a diaper on. We are switching to cloth trainers we used cloth diapers and have loved them will never go back to disposables again. She loves the cloth we put a disposable and she screamed and cried till it was off and a cloth was on her.

jan 22..
today i worked on getting the house organized and cleaned up i got our laundry room organized and the upstairs cleaned tomorrow i have a few calls to make and just normal mom/wife chores to do and will be organizing our big closet. :) I am also selling a few of my bum genius 4.0 diapers they are great but we need to get some trainers and hoping she's trained within the next few months.

jan 14-20

well things have been extremely HECTIC around here this past week. We are now back in our own home... I had to unpack everything and finally have gotten everything put away almost . I have a the girls bedrooms left. I went through and am pretty much getting rid of all their old toys since they got SO much for Christmas. Hubby is healing still and we are starting to POTTY TRAIN Madelyn. She will be 2 on sat its SO hard to believe. I made the girls charts that a friend did for her daughter and they are working wonderful! I made my own laundry soap the other day... next i will be trying my own dishwasher soap... we are getting new ideas every day. trying to be as natural as possible for our sanity and saving money.  I am currently on the look for a good salsa recipe to make my own salsa. i go through so much i would love some home made salsa. and spaghetti sauce.... I'm trying to learn to crochet and embroider better so i can start making and selling things.... we are trying to become more crafty and building more stuff for the kids n our house instead of buying everything again the less we buy the more we save... for example the laundry detergent i made cost us under 10 bucks and will probably last us 10-12 months! all we have to do is buy fabric softener if we choose. so the completed projects this week were the girls charts laundry soap start on maddies bday shirt paint the dinning room back white... well I started to pain but now ran out of white so we Will have to wait... also we got tickets to go see Mollie gross  a military wife comedian. we are really hoping to find a sitter so we can go... We filed our taxes and a Lil bummed about what we are getting back but its okay well make it work just means we can't pay for Cameron's headstone which if anyone wants to donate ill post our pay pal for him at the end.... the girls are loving being home... we are having a lil birthday party for madelyn on her birthday it feels like yesterday that i was in labor with her...


we can use any help we have a lil under 2000 left to pay and our goal is to raise enough that we can pay for camerons stone and then the rest will go to donations such as molly bears or under matthews wing
https://www.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_flow&SESSION=kScKPyostVXA37fmYD5Qi7LRxJ9OobWfZJKvnFv1RtDzdHJWc5n41mIiDfW&dispatch=5885d80a13c0db1f8e263663d3faee8db2b24f7b84f1819343fd6c338b1d9d60


http://www.mollybears.com/ donation we would sent to after to :)

https://www.wepay.com/donations/80154


thank you for reading this

jan 12 &13

well the last two days have been pretty boring since hubby is on bed rest from his reversal. he is doing pretty well in pain but he's doing well. the girls have been super cranky I'm guessing from just being cooped up around the house today we did their stone for camerons grave... Tommorrow we are going have madelyn her birthday party. Its elmo theme. I can't believe she will be 2 in a week then 10 days cameron will be an angel for 6 months :(. we are heading back to north carolina on sunday morning...  its going to be a long day with hubby still recovering from surgery. please keep us in your prayers that his reversal works and we get our rainbow lots of love

jan 10&11

So I didn't post yesterday... we were super busy getting everything in order for hubby's surgery today. Today we had to be at the surgery center at 0545 (am for those don't know military time )  they took him back about 0730 and then his day of surgery started. the Dr came and talked to me about 1015 and told me everything went well. then around 11 they got me when they were taking him back to his room.  we were out of there by 1230 so overall wasn't to bad i got some reading done and some photos organized on my computer to make a video of our first few years together. I'm reading a book about marriages called his needs her needs its about "affair proof marriage. expelling how couples think and react to situations. Its very interesting as to how men ad women think so differently on the same subjects.
My mom watched the girls so they wouldn't be so bored and running around misbehaving. So they wet shopping with grandma today; they both got adorable fleece jackets and outfits. Savanna got a strawberry shortcake one and Madelyn a Elmo one Elmo n cars ( the movie ) are Maddie's biggest things she loves right now. savanna loves Dora Disney princess's n cars the movie too. we came home to my moms and hubby slept for a while the girls played now were watching movies n relaxing waiting for them to fall asleep

Bethesda Military Hospital

So today was very eventful and exhausting; First we got up got everyone ready. Then we loaded up the kids and everything for a day out. We went to Bethesda military hospital for my husbands pre-op. As some of you know He got a vasectomy when we were pregnant with cameron. Well we got on the list for a Reversal in October 2011. There was a 18 month wait for something we were told the military did not cover or do. They bumped him up the 18 month wait because of our situation with having a still born child. It has been 6 months since his vasectomy and he gets his reversal on wednesday. So when we got there the base was VERY  confusing; we drove around trying to find the place (good thing we were 2 hrs early). We found it then went to the NEX (MCX for Marines ). walked around there for about 30 mins wasting time. then we got back in the car and thought we were headed back to the hospital well we ended up off base again in a not so good area and it was snowing so people forgot how to drive. We finally got back to the base and back to the building we needed after 15 mins driving around the parking garage finding a spot on the roof of the garage. We went to the building we thought it was in asked the information desk lady... and she thought we said NUEROLOGY and we kept telling her no UROLOGY! well she said it was in the next building about a block away so we turned around went outside walked as fast as we could to the other building only to walk around there and find out we were in the right place the first time so we ran back to the other building having 20 mins to get there and find the urology clinic. we finally found it and got seated and waited. when they called us there was a man sitting in the way and I couldn't get the stroller past him. so i had to ask him to move not 1 but 3 times before he got up. then we talked to the Dr. about the surgery and all. and its 95% OF THE time effective. its a very delicate surgery and I personally am very scared that it won't work but I'm trying to have faith in God that he will give us the gift he took and let us have a rainbow baby. Then after his appt we met up with friends at apple bees it was so nice they are the nicest people ever! and angel parents as well :) so thats so nice having people to talk to that understand what your going through. then we got back to my moms house and i had the girls help and we picked up and cleaned the bedrooms and got ready for bed now they are sleeping tomorrow is the last day we can do things then it'll be in the house for a few days then home to NC :) thanks for reading love you all :)

weekend

well today we got up got ready and went to the mall... I got my eyebrows waxed finally :) then stopped and got lunch and spent time with my mom and rex. we started to get the girls back into their routine. They have been super whiney lately and Im pretty sure its because they aren't on their schedule. well we started tonight it took an entire hr to get savanna down and a lil longer for madelyn. we are planning for madelyns birthday party here in MD the 14th but it doesn't look like its gonna really be a party hopefully at least my brother and his family can come. theres a lot going on here I can't believe my baby girl is going to be 2! it seems like we just got pregnant with her. This week coming up is going to be long we have to go a hour away tomorrow for hubbys pre op. then meeting up with another angel mommy :) and her hubby one of the best people i have met in a LOOOONG TIME.  the girls bedtime is 8-830 so hopefully were not to late at hubbys apt tomm kinda nervous and getting really nervous about his surgery and praying that it works please keep us in your prayers that it will work and we will be able to conceive and have a healthy baby again. well I think I am going to go to bed now :)
good night
god bless <3

thinking of my sweet cameron every moment I love you baby boy!

trip tires and stress

So yesterday we headed from Ohio well we had to fill up our back tires the  day before cuz they were low well we figured well its cold here so thats normal. WE were WRONG! the next morning we had to get air AGAIN..  this should not of happened in under 10 hrs from 11pm-7am we long a lot of air. to the point our PSI warning came on. so we filled up got about an hr away and the warning came on again.. so we filled up by this time I was stressing cuz we were traveling to MD and filling up every hr was not possible when driving through mountains. so we drove about 2 hrs with the warning on. I texted my mom and asked her what we could do she mentioned fix a flat..  so the first gas station that we came to we stoped hubs went in and found something like it that also puts air in your tires. after that it held for the trip. We were both very concerned our steering wheel was shaking horribly, and we just didnt know why. So we Got to my Step-dads house stayed there for 2-3 hrs went  out to the car and the PSI was from 38 to 20! just from sitting there so we used his air compressor and filled up and went to my moms house. We got there okay and tire pressure held but after we parked and the car sat for a hr the hubs went out to get something and checked it by that time it was okay it went from 38-30. then he checked it before we went to bed and it was 28 we figured it should hold till morning to where we can get new tires. Well we got up this morning around 8 he went out to the car and said babe call Rex we cant go anywhere PSI is at 3!!!  so my mom and Rex came to the resuce again!  brought the air compressor and put air in well we drove it to rexs then Rob and Rex went and took the van to honda around noon. to get new tires we knew we needed them but we didnt have the money we have "run-flats" on the van (not by choice just the model n yr of van). So thats about 250 a tire and 109 an hr for labor ! so all together 730-740 bucks for 2 new tires! stressed over money as it is living on a military budget paying for our sons headstone child support and having 2 young kids. we need new tires! they were so bad the gel that makes them run-flats was seeping through the tires. that has been our trip for the past 2 days so stressful and monday we drive an hr away for hubbys surgery consult

thanks for reading
<3 always

jan 4th/jan 5

The day was very uneventful. We played in the house and the girls n I took long naps till 530pm! while daddy played video games. Then we went to grandma belindas house and hung out there and then went to dinner with her at pizza hut we didn't go to bed till after midnight so like i said our day was very uneventful.
Today we are packing up doing laundry and getting ready for the trip back to maryland tomorrow :)
I can't wait to go visit my baby boys grave and put new flowers down things have been okay I have had my good and bad days I miss him so muh all the time the girls are talking to him more and more. I know he is with jesus it just isn't fair all these people hurt their babies and they keep their babies.  and yet people like me that want our babies and love them everyday from the day they are conceived get them taken away :(

jan 3 playing in the snow

so we took the big girls back to their Mom yesterday instead of today cuz it was snowing bad and they were calling up to 10-12 by their house n 8 by robs dad. Today we got up went to walmart cuz the girls needed snow boots and madelyn needed snow pants we got back to robs dads and got the girls ready and played in the snow for a while they had so much fun we have a huge snowball fight with them they made snow angels ate the snow its amazing watching them grow and smile everyday just having fun and learning while they play. We came inside to warm up and dry off. Madelyn fell asleep not to long after sitting down to snuggle with me. Savanna decided she was still hungry after lunch. So I made her a sandwhich banana and some trail mix ... then madelyn woke up I worked out then we went back to the store to pick up some things we forgot. that was pretty much our day now we are sitting here relaxing waiting for the girls to go to bed Oh and my wonderful hubby got me crochet stuff so I can learn to crochet :) i can't wait to start. Now off to put the girls down and then going to pack up our stuff while the diapers are in the washing

god bless everyone

2011

Okay so we had a very eventful 2011
First Madelyn turned the big 1 in january. savanna potty trained in january. we started to cloth diaper full time with madelyn. Madelyn had her second eye appt and her prescription hasn't changed and started wearing her glasses more. In March we found out the baby we were having was going to be a precious bouncing baby boy he was very active lil one in my belly. they girls were so excited that we were having a brother as well as us. we were in disbelief that we were finally having a boy. so we spent months preparing for a lil boy we sold all our girl stuff to buy boy stuff we had to get a new crib since the one we had had been recalled due to it being a dropside. we had a bump in our marriage this past yr. but that got resolved fast. and now we are happier than ever. My mom had major surgery and so we went to see her after. My cousin came and saw the girls around easter and we finally had our first easter as just a family.  then my final trimester of my pregnancy got super busy with appts for the baby appts trying to find out why i was passing out I had 2 sleep tests don't and never found out why. I had a baby shower in may thanks to a friend . I felt horrible no one came but one person.  then July came around i started having contractions every 5 mins on july 2nd we went to l &D 8 times before i had our angel . and they kept just sending us home. we celebrated our 2 yr ann july 10 ... then i was induced at 41 weeks with my still very active little boy. after 8 hrs of induction they broke my water but he still wouldn't drop. he went into distress and died on the way to the or for an emergency csection. so instead of bringing our handsome lil chunky baby boy  home we were sending him for a autopsy and then to the funeral home. and planning for a funeral back home. august 6 we buried our beautifully baby boy. also 2 days prior to cameron dieing we lost robs grandmother. our entire family was under so much grief no one knew what to do after losing 2 very important people. within 2 days. then on savannas birthday (aug 13th) we moved back on base into new housing. and savanna started preschool 2 days a week for 3 hrs a day she abs loves going to school  are still to this day trying to figure out how to be normal again. we live with cameron in our daily lives. september we made another trip to MD for madelyns eye appt and decorated camerons grave. then we went back to NC. In october we had a balloon release for infant and pregnancy loss day. it was so beautiful. we made the decision to try for a nother boy so rob is getting "unfixed" soon. even if we have a girl we will be happy as long as the baby is healthy and ALIVE BUT we are hoping for a boy. we celebrated thanksgiving with our amazing new neighbors then we came on leave for the holidays so we could see my brother in law before he ships out for deployment.  and  that brings up to the new yr we did a balloon release on NYE for camerons 5 months with all 4 kids and rob n I.

god bless and thank you for reading

amie

visiting family

So we are currently on leave. We went to Maryland from dec 23rd-dec 27 spent christmas with my mom and then my dads side. We went to visit sweet camerons grave on christmas. We should not have to be visiting a grave of our child that should of been 4.5 months old. The girls got so much stuff they absolutely love. They surprised me how well behaved they were and how thankful they were with everything they got. We traveled to Ohio on dec 27 we put a flip trainer on Savanna and she stayed DRY! we stopped about 3.5 hrs after we started driving and she went to the potty and then continues the last 3 ish hours and she was still dry and she drank a ton! she has been dry this whole time we have been up here. only had one tiny accident in her sleep and woke up ! We picked up Rebecca n Mackenzie (robs other daughters) on the 29th and have them till the 3rd they are all loving being together. we got pictures done with all the kids cameron bear and our niece n nephew from robs brother brandon. we took the girls to see all their family and great great grandma. we let balloons go for cameron on NYE it was so nice to have all our kids here with us to do his 5 months release we still can not believe he's been gone 5 whole months. every day we think n miss him it just doesn't seem real. I get to meet in person an amazing person that has helped us with pictures and been there for us thru camerons death and so on. then we will be heading to MD for my husbands surgery I'm so scared for it . Please pray that it works and we can have more kids soon. I am starting on my weight loss journey now and trying to get these 100 lbs i gained having kids off. that is all for right now